The sweet smell of rejection

One thing I’m beginning to hate about the real world, well one of the main things, is the “rejection letter”. Those of you who’ve never seen one of these (and for that you deserve a cunt/dick punch for being fuckin perfect) it’s a letter letting you know you didn’t get the job you applied for. One particular rejection letter that sent me off the edge reads:
Dear William,
Thank you for applying for the 2010-11 West Virginia University sports communications graduate assistantship. We have offered the position to another candidate and they have accepted.
This year’s candidate pool was tremendous and we thank you for making our decision extremely difficult.
We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

Now, I don’t understand the point of these fuckin letters..What do they honestly think, Im that dense? I didn’t expect it to read “William, where the hell have you been? We hired you over a month ago, and expected you to be slaving away at your desk already”. Its an email, fuckstick, send one and not some cheesy piece of stationary to let me know I didn’t get a job I never interviewed for. I’d rather not get any notice then have a bunch of letters from colleges that go along the same lines as this one. I’m half tempted to send this douchenozzle a letter that says
Dear (Dickbag)
I’m thankful you have learned how to use the copy and paste tool in Microsoft word. I realize how hard it can be to type up one letter and change the name at the top, and sign your name; believe me I did it with my cover letter and It was not only painstaking, but a waste of my fuckin time. So thank you, for being able to change the name at the top of the stationary. Now apologize to the fuckin trees you killed so that you could write me an obvious form letter to tell me I didn’t get a job I never so much as received notice that I was, in fact, included in your search. Haven’t you read the Lorax! The trees are going to revolt and wither and die, all cause you are to impersonal to send me a damn email. You inconsiderate prick.
Signed,
The motherfuckin tree that’s gonna fall on your house and family and kill your dog, Lassie cause you killed my friend..Eye for an eye mutha fucka!

Now if I wasn’t in constant fear of the FBI bashing down my door (damn you paranoia) I would send this letter. But the fact of the matter is my asshole is an exit and not an entrance (sorry Bubba and ur massive crank) and would rather not meet the authorities (again). I’m sure he expects me to be blown away with that “thank you for making our job extremely difficult” bullshit. I’m about to make your life a whole lot more difficult if I knew how to send computer viruses (damn you Hollywood for making it look so easy; well and for me being so damn impressionable) Any school that hires Bob Huggins and Rich Rodrieguez can keep their fuckin job, I’m not interested..have you ever heard of guilty by association? Fuck that..why am I surprised I got this letter again?